I can't imagine a bigger obstacle in my everyday life than HORMONES.
I can't emphasize enough how much this is NOT an excuse.
What makes hormones so evil is that they ARE a part of everyday life for all of us, and we need them. They're not a major illness or obvious impediment...they just hide and lurk and make you feel cray-zay sometimes.
Case in point: I'm 37 years old, I have three-year-old twins and a newborn, and I'm breastfeeding.
I'm sleeping sporadically, I eat in fits and starts, I move at the speed of...of....well, something really fast, and I need to lose 25 pounds.
I have days, hours, when I feel like ME, and days like yesterday, when I felt like, well, a FREAK.
I slept my last 90 minutes of yesterday morning with the baby in my arms and awoke to MONDAY morning. You know, back to the routine--jumping out of bed, applying makeup to my tired eyes, putting my graying hair in ANOTHER ponytail and pulling on a pair of elastic-waisted "workout" pants. (All my pre-pregnancy pants hang dusty and lonely in my closet.) I chugged my bitter coffee, hurriedly fix the girls' hair, make the beds, carry the baby and some dirty laundry downstairs, and more work begins.
Meantime, I missed a breastfeeding the night before, giving the baby a bottle instead. This caused some kind of misstep in my body's expectations, 'cause I felt like I was going to (a) start my period any second, (b) I felt unsteady and disoriented and (c) I was singularly focused on nothing.
I knew that my body was having all sorts of miscommunication with itself. So I made the girls their lunch and took them to school while my mom watched the baby.
"Go out for an hour," my mom suggested. "He'll be fine."
I dropped off the girls and thought to myself, "WHERE should I go?" I had no ideas, nowhere to be. I drove to Whole Foods.
I wandered around and realized, Wow, I am starving. I didn't eat breakfast. Stupid.
So I thought I'd find something to eat--no problem, right?
I realized that I couldn't make a single decision and I felt like I was...disappearing, somehow. Cranky, too, I might add.
I grabbed some orzo salad and a chocolcate bar and walked back to my car. I sat there, eating this orzo like it was medicine.
I chugged a cold green tea and then eyed the chocolate bar, thinking I'd have a few bites before I headed back home.
I ate the whole thing--I practically mainlined it. Then I felt teary and bleary and went to the nearest shoe store.
Feeling like a cliche (browsing shoes after eating a giant chocolate bar), I ran out of the shoe store and drove home. I told my mom, "I don't feel RIGHT. I feel mean, scared, tired and yet...this is the happiest I've ever been. Isn't that ridiculous??!" I laughed as I said it.
She looked at me knowingly and affirmed, "You're a mother. No one would ever do it if they knew how hard it was!"
So here I am saying, I have everything I ever really wanted. Yesterday was a tough one. And as always, it feels like a year ago.
The baby slept 9 hours last night. I felt like a million bucks this morning, even though I awoke with a breast milk-soaked nightgown. So I continue the rest of the day with a new theme: keep yourself in check. eat, walk, breathe. And if you MUST consume more chocolate, don't mentally abuse yourself for it later. Just get back in the game as soon as you can. Preferably after a good night's sleep.
